I knew I was jumping the gun.
This morning I started to notice some spotting. Nothing super serious, but enough to catch my attention.
I’ve done my research and I knew that sometimes spotting can happen early on in pregnancy, so I just ignored it. Wrong. As the day progressed on my (what I now presume to be period) flow got heavier and heavier. My cramps and backache got worse, and I continued to be moody. Normal period stuff, I guess.
We are devastated.
You know that feeling when you get so used to the idea of something that it becomes something you really want? We wanted this baby. We wanted our little meatball to be there. As I crawled into bed next to my finacé after telling him the news, tears filled my eyes. I rolled away from him. I felt like such a failure. Like it was my fault. Suddenly I felt his arms around and could feel his body shaking. My big baby broke. We laid there for a moment until he rolled me over to face him. He tried so hard to make me positive and believe that our baby was still there. I tried to ignore the fact that blood was coming out of me and I felt like I wanted to die. I tried. But I couldn’t.
What do we do now? I want a baby; I really do. Is this God’s way of saying that our timing just isn’t right? I guess this is the part where I ignore the fact that I just made a blog for all of my pregnancy adventure and now we wont have any. Do I change the name? Do I just keep on posting about the “soon to be wife” side of this blog? I wish I had answers, but I don’t. I guess we’ll see. We will all see.
Prayers. We need them.
-Cecilia and Alex ♥
Soon to be Wife and (One Day) Mommy 